Avant-Garde

It's never going to happen. Pessimism has never been a strong suit for me, but this time it feels perfect. Sometimes there are things in life which don't go as planned and the reverse of what that plan was ends up being ok. Originally, I sat down and began to type out the most melodramatic, sad and frustrating piece I've ever written. The last few days, weeks, years... they've all had me thinking about where I am in life. Divorced at 25 then here at almost 28 is a long stretch of times where I sit in peace and others where I sit in pieces. It's hard sometimes to not dwell on how tough it gets. Some day I might go into the melodrama, but for now I'm going to let you know why my pessimism from the beginning truly is a good thing. You can have a heart of gold, be as beautiful from the inside out as can be, you can do all of the right things, and you'll never find enough. You'll get holes in your heart throughout life, voids, and you can try t...

To you with the weak heart, Another day/night of restlessness and pain is overwhelming you. You have tried and tried to get it together. It wouldn't be so hard if it weren't every single day. Reality hits and you see the gravity of life pull you into a chasm of empty alone hurt. Sure, the verses, proverbs, and songs touch your emotions. The people around you knock on your door, or text and say "It's going to be ok." Yes, there are a plethora of positives backing you and pushing you to be just "ok." The thing is, content and ok feel like being numb. Sometimes its easy to coast in that mode. And sometimes you do just that, but coasting isn't healthy. Taking pain pills doesn't fix the problem it just mutes or dulls the pain. You need to be better, to finally take steps forward. What's the problem? So, here's the tough part: diagnosing the issues which are causing your heart to be in pain. Yes, I know there are people, situations,...