To you with the weak heart,
Another day/night of restlessness and pain is overwhelming you. You have tried and tried to get it together. It wouldn't be so hard if it weren't every single day. Reality hits and you see the gravity of life pull you into a chasm of empty alone hurt.
Sure, the verses, proverbs, and songs touch your emotions. The people around you knock on your door, or text and say "It's going to be ok." Yes, there are a plethora of positives backing you and pushing you to be just "ok." The thing is, content and ok feel like being numb. Sometimes its easy to coast in that mode. And sometimes you do just that, but coasting isn't healthy. Taking pain pills doesn't fix the problem it just mutes or dulls the pain. You need to be better, to finally take steps forward.
What's the problem? So, here's the tough part: diagnosing the issues which are causing your heart to be in pain. Yes, I know there are people, situations, and just the unimaginable life circumstances. Those things can become weapons. And sometimes, we tend to bind the wounds of our heart to the weapons damaging them. Your heart can only heal so much when you do that. The slightest tug or touch can cause weapons to slip a little deeper and cut a little more.
Sometimes the problem isn't in the wounds caused by weapons. Sometimes the injury is more of a sickness we call pride. When something hits our self-esteem it can be crippling. Who we are, or even who we identify as is imperative to living a healthy life. When it is jeopardized we can feel sick. We can can hurt more than we ever thought imaginable, because once again we feel our heart is compromised and unable to function properly.
"Life isn't easy", "I don't feel like I can function", "The pain is just too much." The thoughts which describe how we actually feel. We start identifying as broken or even worse, as the very problem we face. We never truly heal. While we may identify with the problem, we don't focus on fixing it. Instead, we focus on the pain. We hope that life will just miraculously come together and we'll stop hurting.
Hearts aren't meant to stay broken. They were designed to function properly allowing you to live to the fullest. Allowing you to fully focus on the one thing that matters the most: glorifying God. I know this point may hit you with the "Well, here we go again. Another Christian answer. Another, figure it out or you're in the wrong." but please continue to read on. There's so much more.
You see friend, I myself am and have been one with a weak heart. I've been told the right answers. I've believed and received hope time after time, only to fall back into a place where my pain reveals itself even more present than before. Here is what I've been learning about that place. It's not where I find anything but hurt. It's not a place I want to live my entire life. It's not the place where I belong.
The problem that plagues my heart and causes pain, well, it has a cure. Not just a bandage, and definitely not just a pain killer. There's an actual cure. Sometimes, I don't want that, which seems backwards. It's easier to stay doing the same things over and over again, then to change up your routine and make time to receive the medicine or help we really truly desire. There are times I need an entire heart transplant. If you're reading this and you're a Christian, you know that you have been given that transplant. That when Christ called you to new life in Him, you get to die to yourself and allow Him and His perfect grace to make you new. If you're not a believer or person of faith, then I won't have the answers you seek.
Maybe you are a Christian and you (like myself) have battled hurt even after receiving God's grace. You question if there really is more, and if you'll ever be rid of the pain. There is more. Not only does God give us grace, He gives us mercy. We also can find our identity, our hope, and our love. The fruit of the Spirit will flourish, and we can be whole and complete. None of this should be brand new. You should believe it with all of your heart. If you are a Christian, you also know you have an enemy. He'll come after your weakness, and he'll try and convince you are still sick.
As relentless as the pain and brokeness can seem, we serve a God who's love was relentless before your pain even came to be. Who knew the mercy and grace you would need each day. Who provided answers before we ever asked them or needed them. It's easy to to be worn down and 'feel' like God is too good to be true. It's even harder to accept that: if all God ever gave us was simply our salvation, it in and of itself was more than we could ever deserve.
There are times I get caught up in how hard life seems to be, I struggle with asking God too many "Why this?" questions and forget how He sacrificed it all for the "because He so loves" answers. I stop spending time with Him and walking closely with him because I selfishly ask for an instantly gratifying desire, the world promises. Forgetting that just as quickly as I wanted to be fulfilled, those moments are just as fleeting. Forgetting that God's love is eternal and everlasting. That His heart was broken so far that it poured out all to cover anything and everything. That includes our weaknesses, our hurts, and our pains.
All of this is important, and we have to remember that it takes time. It takes time to heal, it takes time to build, it takes time to strengthen, and it most certainly takes time to sustain progress. Whenever you feel like you're not growing or moving forward, go to God and ask Him how you can get closer to Him. His love is so deep that it knows no bounds. It conquers all that we will ever go through in this life. When we come to God with a grateful heart, we'll always be reminded of how much bigger He is and how far He's brought us, and all that He's still doing.
So dear weak heart, He's overcome the world and He's still holding you.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”